I thought I had the flu, but then I realized your face makes me sick to my stomach. Watch more comedic movies and TV shows to get a better grasp on funny cultural references. I want a typhoon. You can probably think of a list of hurtful words and phrases that have become the go-to expressions of people youve met. Did I invite you to the barbecue? Synonyms for Toxic. Worse, you dont want them to have the last word, So, weve compiled a list here of 100 comebacks that you might want to use the next time your friend hurts you or makes you mad. Youre about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Its similar to I was only kidding, and is meant to deflect attention from the one who made the offensive statement and point to the one complaining as someone who cant take a joke.. For that matter, why do we ever use hurtful words to describe someone? If your brain was dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow your hat off. Dont feel bad. This TikToker is a genius for engagement! You look so good. I dont have any trash to take out today, but I volunteer you as tribute. I clean up germs all day, but no matter how hard I scrub, youre still here. Can you stop talking more often? "Why do you have to be such a b*tch?" 30. Common sense is like deodorantthe people who need it most never seem to use it. Check your lipstick before you come for me. Naomi Smalls, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. Margaret Thatcher. A more common variant is She doesnt know what shes talking about, since these words are often spoken by a male to discredit a female who isnt in the room and therefore cannot (immediately) defend herself. The fact that someone wakes up to your face in the morning should be alarming. Humor is a key likability cue that helps people feel more relaxed around you. With all those years of wisdom, youd think you would have more wrinkles by now. But its not a favor to remind someone of how they continue to disappoint your expectations of them, however reasonable you think those are. Any Emoji. You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place. Need some hilarious things to say via text or IRL? Make your friends bust out laughing with one of these clever things to write on a card: Valentines is the perfect opportunity to express your love to your significant other or write a funny card to your fellow singles. 20. Therere many pessimists who got that way by investing in an optimist. You do things that other people consider anal, paranoid, or ridiculous because you cannot NOT do them. Try this: Call your friend and let them know you cant talk right now. You have a face only a mother could love. We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, weve been married for 10 years. I'm just happy that you can construct sensible sentences now. I used to think I was indecisive, but now Im not really sure. Somewhere, somehow, you are robbing a village of their idiot. 11. But Ill keep trying. Are you normally this obnoxious, or is there some class you took? Whether youre trying to be more witty, flirty, or be seen as an amateur comedian, making people laugh is a social superpower. 180 Best Mean things to say ideas | funny quotes - Pinterest "You're boring." 27. "A toxic relationship is a dynamic between two or . Happy Independence Day! 101 Funny Random Things To Say | Bergeron Knows The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana. These roasts are perfect both for school and bullies. I would like some tips on how to clear my mind from someone with nothing meaningful to contribute. The tenth is just humming. Funny Things To Say A Girl - 100+ Ideas To Make Her Yours - The Life Virtue If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one pretty. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Try this: Before you leave a room, say, I bid you farewell! This polarizing expression is still used as a way to dismiss those who argue for any cause that someone who identifies as socially liberal might support as if compassion invalidated someones beliefs. Get a good chuckle out of random telemarketing calls by surprising them with one of these ridiculous responses. Keep scrolling! Your absence would affect me greatly. Just for innocent fun, user @emmaj_mason prompted others to share the most toxic things women can say to men, and wow, did they deliver. I present to you: absolutely fucking nothing. I love that super cute thing you do when you dont reply for 10 hours. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. I only yawn when Im super intrigued. Ill never forget the first time we met. I didnt think it was possible to give me more reasons to hate you until today. Youre like my fridge: always full of yourself yet offering an abundance of empty calories. nouns. Roses are red, violets are blue, the trash is dumped and so are you. 5. I 'd never roast plastic it's bad for the environment, Yo mama so hairy, when she went to the store, they said ``no pets allowed``, if I picked you up and dropped you the whole earth would cave in on its selfd, your existence is the reason cover 19 exists, if you became a manager of a store not even a Karen would speak to you. Too bad your parents took it literally. IT SPEAKS! Jan 23, 2021 - Explore Leann's board "Mean things to say.", followed by 659 people on Pinterest. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Please just tell me you dont plan to home-school your kids. And it assumes their relative ignorance justifies an insult on their character or intelligence. After. I never even listen when you tell them. These cute, silly comments are a great way to make him smile. Totally get it. Whats understood doesnt need to be explained. One of the most toxic phrases you will hear from your partner, especially when your emotions are high, is the advice to let it go. Bad idea in your case. The day a man makes me happier than chips and queso with a frozen margarita and my best friend is the day Ill get married. 13 Hilarious Arabic Swear Words and Phrases - Culture Trip Your responses are so fast I cant keep up. Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry. The amount of meaningful things youve done in your life wouldnt be enough to fill a single page. Do you want a kissy on your boo-boo? Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! Fat-shaming is never appropriate even when you think youre only insulting yourself. Thats your parents job. Your friends would be amused.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_4',197,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); If you like these savage roasts, youll also like this list of really funny comebacks, insults, and burns. Unless you want to risk having your hand grabbed (and possibly broken) by someone whos had enough of that attitude, find a kinder way to let the other person know you cant give them your full attention just then. It looks like she went into Claires Boutique, fell on a sale rack and said, Ill take it! I try to have an open mind, but my brain keeps falling out. I'm busy; you're ugly. Those born with dwarfism or with any condition that limits their physical stature do not, as a rule, choose to be called midgets.. Are you a loan? This question basically means, How are you so ignorant? It attacks the other person for not knowing as much about a particular thing as we do. While we really, really don't want to think about that, it . Did I hurt your ego? Im not insulting you, Im describing you. So, get ready to say goodbye to the brutally cold St. Louis winter and give spring a huge warm welcome with one or more of these fantastically fun things to do in March 2023! Not at all gross, today. Using emojis like , or to make sure your friends know that youre messing around. Im just smarter than you. Your secrets are always safe with me. When I see your face, theres not a thing that I would change except the direction I was walking in. Too bad you cant photoshop your ugly personality, It looks like your hair made friends with the dust bunnies under my bed, Your parents got a great job offer at the disappointment club, Ur so fat even dora couldnt explore what was around u, Good Comebacks, Roasts, & Burns: Best 99+ You Need To Know, 139 Best Funny Pick Up Lines To Make Her Laugh & Blush, 179 Steven Spielberg Quotes That Will Inspire You, 15 Funny Insulting Names To Call Your Friends & More To Know, 35 Funny Spongebob Roasts, Quotes, And Jokes, list of really funny comebacks, insults, and burns, funny Spongebob roasts, quotes, and jokes. OH MY GOD! What do you say to single people on Valentines Day? Every cloud has a silver lining. Youre one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without the Facebook reminder. Weve compiled a list of 31 offensive or controversial words or expressions that are best avoided even if youre only kidding.. Dont worry about me. sentences. I applaud your effort, but I think Im the only one in the audience. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut in his face. Hi there, Im under 18 and my mom said not to talk to strangers. Excuse my naivety I was born at a very early age. This expression is used most often by males who think that a womans appearance is worth more to her than respect for her intelligence and autonomy. Then I met you. Then please vote on your favorite roast below because your opinion matters. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. "You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.". Try these funny comments with your friends. You look like something I would draw with my left hand. Dont delay. Your the reason god created the middle finger, You're entitled to your incorrect opinion, You should really take a trip to hell, and take your parents with you, if i was you ide donate myself to a thrift store because thats where cheep crap goess, sorry my internet is slow but atleast im happy its not as slow as your brain, Was you born on a highway? Maybe we can invite them over and, together, youd constitute one working brain cell. Excuse me, did it hurt? The song Army of One is an ode to your loneliness. Allow me to be the first one. But once youve said them, what next? Id spell it out for you, but thats assuming you know your ABCs. /tts A rofl Train goes tichdvdtche tichdvdtche tichdvdtche tichdvdtche tichdvdtche wuuu wuuu wuuu tichdvdxtche tichdvdtche 11. If Isaidanything to offend you it was purely intentional. I never even listen when you tell me them. Lucky for you, they cant laugh, either. I would roast you, but my mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash. Youre like asthma. What do boyfriends and mascara have in common? I respect the opinion of everyone who agrees with me. "We're you born in a highway? You are not someone I pretend not to see in public. Friends buy you lunch. I couldve sworn I was dealing with an adult. I'm going to get my toe nail pierced this weekend. I keep thinking you cant get any dumber and you keep proving me wrong. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. When you disappear, its a beautiful day. Gen Z Girls Share The Most 'Toxic' Things To Say To Boys During a Fight You hear that? Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it? "You're ugly when you're angry." 29. I'm as useful as a white crayon on black paper. The hardest pill to swallow is knowing nothing is as lethal as your personality. Youre such a good friend that Id be willing to give you money. You almost reached a level of coherency resembling my newborn son. This word has a poisonous history, and it has nothing to do with humor or friendship. Its similar to Grow a spine but more insulting particularly to men. You dont know whether anyone who hears these words has ever been suicidal or has suffered as a result of a suicide, so its best not to use language like this. What is the funniest "toxic" thing someone has said to you? A friend like you is like a good bra: supportive, comfortable, hard to find, uplifting, and always close to my heart! Id agree with you but then wed both be wrong. Are You a Toxic Gamer? 9 Ways You Can Tell - MUO Symptoms may include fever, rash, skin peeling, and low blood pressure. What's the most toxic thing you've seen another player say in game? I'm so glad we have brown cows, otherwise there wouldn't be any chocolate milk. I wrote something nice for you in invisible ink. This question can surely make her smile after getting to know that she is the reason for your happiness. Forget about the presentI didnt get you one! Dont try to think too hard. Forget about the pastyou cant change it. 31 Hurtful Words (Phrases kind people must avoid using) - Live Bold and Its the sound of me not caring. I was just imagining the day of your birth in my head. Im no photographer, but I can picture us together . Here, take these $1,000,000 bucks! You are so full of crap, the toilets jealous. Jinkx Monsoon. This expression is meant to brush off someone elses response to an offensive remark. I just lost my grandfather. Youre lucky intelligence isnt measured in negative numbers. You just won $1 million. Care to help? Lasts longer in bed, too. They clap their hands over their eyes. 22. Either way, if you like this. I cant find them anywhere. Good. Why didnt you choose the dark alleyway? Sending a bunch of texts in a row can be a sign of neediness. Id rather treat my babys diaper rash than have lunch with you. it can be hard to notice that insults are actually harmful not just playful fun. You owe it an apology. I was going to make a joke about your life, but I see life beat me to the punch. If you suddenly die, Id immediately travel around the world to search for the seven dragon balls. Send me your location so I can kidnap you. Your skin is glowing, but I think its from the radiation emanating from your toxic ass personality. Youre the corner piece to an unsolvable puzzle: everyone looks right past you. You could bedumbass partners in crime? Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons? 100 Funny Things To Say - Parade: Entertainment, Recipes, Health, Life Your poor mama didn't have no choice. If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents. Two American citizens leave the Irish pub sober. 15 Hilarious Comebacks That Will Leave People Speechless A broken drumyou cant beat it! 9 Look at that butt! I would say my heart, but its just not as big. A pain in the ass? You better pay it extra. Not when you are around, but once you leave. That must suck. How awful. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. Dont worry, the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest. In case your favorite roast isnt on the list below, your vote would add it to the list. Complete this sentence for me: I never want to see you !. No amount of self-editing can fix the massive failure your autobiography would be. Don't be ashamed of who you are-that's your parents' job. For a second there, I thought you made a valid point. Essentially, youre telling the other person you dont find their company or conversation stimulating. Im not an astronomer but I am pretty sure the earth revolves around the sun and not you. Stupidity isnt a crime, so youre free to go. I found it in my business. Youre the type of person who cant read the room. I feel so sorry for your parents. Watching You Smiling, Is The Best view For My Eyes. Go back to Party City, where you belong! Phi Phi OHara. 4. "I feel so fat right now." But anyone can send a bland happy birthday note on a card. Unfortunately, I dont have any resolutions to make since Im already perfect. Most Funny Random Things To Say My teeth itch. Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you. Before hearing you out, your partner says "let it go" without showing any interest in learning what happened. I look ugly? Maybe eat makeup so you will be pretty on the inside. Because thats how I feel right now. Queer Movie Night | March 6, 13, 20, 27 2023. Group assignments make me understand why Batman works alone. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. That is where most accidents happen. Id give you a nasty look, but youve already got one. Real friends pick us up when were down. I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence. Id tell you to blow your brains out, but Im pretty certain theres nothing there. Because that's where most MISTAKES and ACCIDENTS are made. Your friends say the meanest things sometimes, dont they? 50 Hilarious Breakup Lines To End A Toxic Relationship Well, the jerk store called, and theyre running out of you. If youre offended by my opinion, you should hear the ones I keep to myself. Yours is a face that only a mother and a friend like me could love. You are the architect of your life. 100 Funny and Witty Replies to Rude Comments - PairedLife Oops, my bad. Just text someone a random word and see what happens. 100 Funny Things To Say 1. I understand everything you said. 3. Try these funny comments with your friends. I've never heard that particular insult before. It sounds uncaring. You sound like one of those bleeding-heart liberals., 12. Im jealous of people who dont know you. You're so ugly that god had to look away. i have 5 fingers, each one resembles a person. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Queer Movie Night is part of the Kansas City Center for Inclusion (KCCI). If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet. Because youre the only 10 I see. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room. Thank you for calling! How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that? 45 Good Roasts That Hurt - PsyCat Games You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. If you have a problem with me, write the problem on a piece of paper, fold it, and shove it up your ass. Can I have your name and phone number to call you back? Yeah, that is now. Ive been called worse things by better men. The stock market. May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm. Are all your friends this stupid as well? Here are some hilarious one-liners and funny quotes to toss into your conversations. Everyone brings happiness to a room. If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant. I thought you only spoke trash. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. "No one has ever said 'no' to . Oh youre talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back. Maybe youll find your brain back there. If youre going to be a smart ass, first you have to be smart, otherwise youre just an ass. This is an A and B conversation so C your way out of it! I am not ignoring you. We could cover more ground if we split up. I only thought you talk behind my back! Valorant Memes Too Funny For Words - Game Rant The series of mental backflips I had to do to try and understand your point should have broken my neck. You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. Today marks the anniversary of the day you dove into the world head-first! And while men generally build bulky muscle more readily than women, the testosterone responsible for that doesnt make them stronger where it really counts. In this ultimate toolbox, youll learn the most essential skills to developing self-improvement. I know players in this game can be really toxic at times but that was definitely . Hey, I found your nose, its in my business again! This post has been created by Roman Marshanski, the founder of this site. I used to be addicted to soap, now I'm clean! Your talking to me? I thought I had the flu, but then I realized your face makes me sick to my stomach. At the same time, unexpected or random jokes can make you more memorable. My heart was beating fast when I saw you walk in. Avoid it. If you were an inanimate object, youd be a participation trophy. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships. I thought you were the monster under my bed. So please do vote or expand thisroast list with your own mean creation. Savage Comebacks. It will remind your enemies not to mess with you.